Refuse to be discouraged.  It has always been my motto since birth (oh i mean at least since i learned about the word courage… not really since i went out my mom’s "maternity pouch").

I always try to think as positively as possible just to give myself an assurance that thing’s gonna be alright at the end of the day.

how would you like to call it? stupidity or something? perhaps it is. yeah i know… (sigh)

at this very moment, i’d like to tell the rest of the world that I’m absolutely upset with my work! why? never mind. it would just going to be a very long story to tell… and frankly speaking, i’m not good at story-telling.

ALL I WANTED TO DO IS GIVE MYSELF A BREAK!!!

Is it so hard to understand? (Do you hear someone screaming like a dupe? Well, it’s ME!)

I felt like i’m getting freaky, crazy (name it… yeah, everything synonymous to stupid)…

While working, all i could imagine is me lying in a couch watching TV overnight, munching some junk foods… otherwise, sitting near the beach (wearing two piece bathing suit… it’s GROSS… but who cares? besides, it’s just an imagination…) WITH NOTHING TO THINK BUT ME, MYSELF AND I… definitely it would be a great vacation leave from work and so much responsibilties.

UNFORTUNATELY, i’m not good at escaping from problems. and i don’t think it’s the best way either. 

Escaping? It’s pathetic! (I’m pathetic… waaaaaaa…..)

By the way, this song goes to MYSELF… happy (?) reading Prechell… (na nabuang na gyud!)

—————————————————————

"Numb"

by Linkin’ Park

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertone)

I’ve become so numb
I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart, right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I’ve become so numb
I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb
I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do,
is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve
Become so numb
I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb
I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be

(14:39:45) gantaa2002: hi
(14:39:54) Mulan: hi
(14:39:59) gantaa2002: how are u
(14:40:18) Mulan: fine
(14:40:31) gantaa2002: ok
(14:40:51) gantaa2002: where u from
(14:40:56) gantaa2002: sori iam forget
(14:41:09) Mulan: from india
(14:41:14) gantaa2002: where
(14:41:24) gantaa2002: which place
(14:41:25) Mulan: india
(14:41:30) Mulan: jammu
(14:41:34) gantaa2002: from india which place
(14:41:42) Mulan: jammu and kashmir
(14:41:46) gantaa2002: no
(14:41:49) Mulan: ?
(14:41:57) Mulan: wat u mean to me
(14:42:01) gantaa2002: yesterday u say some other place
(14:42:07) gantaa2002: just i recall
(14:42:27) Mulan: oh what place?
(14:42:35) gantaa2002: i no remeber
(14:42:37) gantaa2002: ur name
(14:42:52) gantaa2002: ur asl
(14:43:20) Mulan: it’s like u got some amnesia
(14:43:23) Mulan: very well then
(14:43:32) gantaa2002: of course
(14:43:44) Mulan: hey got to go
(14:43:49) Mulan: i’m busy ryt now
(14:43:50) Mulan: bye
(14:43:53) gantaa2002: bye
(14:43:57) gantaa2002: finally ur name
(14:44:13) Mulan: is there initially ur name?
(14:44:31) gantaa2002: thulasi ram
(14:44:32) Mulan: :))
(14:44:35) Mulan: ok
(14:44:40) gantaa2002: ur name
(14:44:43) Mulan: nicole
(14:44:55) gantaa2002: u from nietnam
(14:45:00) gantaa2002: vietnam
(14:45:17) Mulan: me?
(14:45:22) Mulan: i’m not from vietnam
(14:45:23) gantaa2002: yah
(14:45:37) gantaa2002: one friend from vietnam ichat yesterday
(14:45:41) gantaa2002: thats why i ask
(14:45:51) Mulan: i’m from india… the land of golden friendship
(14:45:59) gantaa2002: ok
(14:46:04) gantaa2002: ur age
(14:46:07) Mulan: 20
(14:46:20) gantaa2002: which college are ystudying
(14:46:24) gantaa2002: ur mother tongue
(14:46:50) Mulan: hindi
(14:46:53) gantaa2002: oh
(14:46:57) gantaa2002: ok
(14:47:17) Mulan: ok bye
(14:47:20) Mulan: :)
(14:47:21) gantaa2002: bye
(14:47:27) gantaa2002: :-SS
(14:47:42) Mulan: mura kag buang ma… buang ka!
(14:47:54) gantaa2002: hey i no understand
(14:48:03) Mulan: i mean nice talking to you
(14:48:05) Mulan: bye
(14:48:08) Mulan: :)
(14:48:19) gantaa2002: chala bagavunthi
(14:48:23) gantaa2002: malli kalusthamu
(14:48:30) Mulan: ok bey

[One of my all-time favorite sawizm songs...]

Waiting In Vain

Mymp

From the very first time i rest my eyes on you boy
My heart said follow through
But i know now that i’m way down on your line
But the waiting feeling’s fine

So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string
‘cuz i know how to do my thing
Don’t talk to me as if you think i’m dumb
I wanna know when you gotta come
Yah see

Chorus:
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
‘cuz summer is here and i’m still waiting there
Winter is here and i’m still waiting there

Like i said
It’s been three years since i’m knockin’ on your door
And still can knock some more
Ooh boy, ooh boy
Is it crazy look i wanna know now
For i to knock some more

Ya see
In life i know there is lots of grief but your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While i’m waiting
While i’m waiting for my turn

Chorus

No i, no i, i don’t wanna wait in vain
No i, no i, i don’t wanna wait in vain
No no no i, no i, i don’t wanna wait in vain
It’s your love that i’m waiting for
It’s my love that your runnin’ from
It’s your love that i’m waiting for
It’s my love that your runnin’ from

Chorus ’til fade…

Para sa mga SAWI pareha nako… waaaaa… :((

"Have You Ever?"
by Brandy

[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can’t sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don’t come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You’d do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You’d give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don’t know what to say
And you don’t know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You’ve dreamed of all of your life
You’d do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to
Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world
‘Cuz baby I can’t sleep
[Chorus]

(sa dili pa ang tanan, pahibalo: Pareha daw mig dagway aning myLABs ni Harry Potter… hahaha… feeling!)

I’m straight… definitely i am… not that i’m referring to my sexuality coz i don’t confuse myself as a member of the LGBT (lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgendered) community…

what i mean is… i’m totally (?) the typical straight chic around the rearest corner of this wholewide world… nah, ‘censya na jud kay la nako kasabot sa dagan sa akong utok. my head’s so drained from work and by the way, the time i’m writing this stuff… it’s exactly 12:42am… i’m still in front of the PC… yup! WORKING! (except at this very moment… Friendster lang sa…)

some people asked me is it worth it? i mean doing overtimeS (?) given my current salary rate… perhaps it is. hala lang ganing ko kaon sa office. hahha… busawan! Pizza Hut, Shakeys… name it, we got it… charing!

but really i’m the type of person who’s into delayed gratification… mahilig kau mag-antos , hoping that things would work out just fine and even more bongga than i expected it to be. yeah, sure!

pero sa ako nga klase sad jud nga tao nga ang nahibalan ra nga dalan kay office-balay, balay-office… what else can i do and expect to happen? SUMO!

remember my trip to Macumba? actually, once in a blue moon ra to… and i do wish blue na sad tana ang moon… hahaha…

anyways… i’m looking forward to giving myself a break from work. one of these days (years?), i’ll go to Bora or at least mn lang sa Duka Bay, spend some nights sa hotel with nothing to worry, tan-aw lang TV as long as carry pa sa akong mata… etc.

but for now, well… as useless back to work! okims!

 I know some of you might have missed reading Chikahi ko beh episodes (waa…. shunfident and bayot! hahaha… )  it been awhile since we talked again so mao na ni ayha pako ka-insert na sd sa akong kabuang… by the way, we’re talking here about the picture he sent me few days ago… ummm… about his favorite actor… iinsert tana nako picture dili mn nako ma-download… chege…

(20:04:49) Mulan: question… the pix u sent me ur fave actor sanju?
(20:04:59) Mulan: is he ur friend sanju?
(20:05:05) Mulan: they hv the same name
(20:05:13) Mulan: i jz thought so
(20:05:24) kashnir: one second
(20:05:37) kashnir: how many i send you
(20:05:45) kashnir: just two
 (20:06:19) kashnir: that one is of my favorite actor sharukh khan
(20:06:38) Mulan: hahah… i thought it was sanju
 (20:06:54) kashnir: sanju is with glasses
(20:07:00) kashnir: on eye
(20:07:13) kashnir: and a little short
(20:07:19) kashnir: in length
(20:07:41) kashnir: and an eng student
(20:08:15) Mulan: i see
(20:08:20) Mulan: one eye?
(20:08:28) Mulan: why what happen to his other eye?
(20:08:42) kashnir: on eye
(20:08:47) kashnir: hahahah
(20:08:54) kashnir: not one eye
(20:09:00) kashnir: common
(20:09:10) kashnir: you maked him blind
 (20:11:05) Mulan: hahha… stupid me
(20:11:14) Mulan: i read again ur messgae
(20:11:26) Mulan: jz found out my mistake
 (20:11:42) Mulan:  :))