Can’t eat… can’t sleep…can hardly breath…lots of nightmares…now, there you go… defining happiness.

(I just hope i won’t be sued for copyright infring[e]ment for having used the same title from Will Smith’s recent movie. well, i’ve used the "’i" not the "y" for happiness… liboga oi…)

it’s been like that (go back and read the first paragraph) for quite some time now. nearly over-fatigued. i’ve had my recent BP taken — 90/70. buhay pa nmn, i guess that’s not the worst case… YET! well, add to that frequent headaches and … hmm… grabeng buto-buto sa dughan. i’m losing my appetite. i no longer eat dinner coz everytime i try doing so, i feel like vomiting (DLI KO BUROS!)

i know there’s something wrong. i can’t let this go on and on.

bottomline is i’m all stressed-out! my work’s getting into my nerves. really guys, it sucks!

i’m actually thinking of quitting but that won’t be very easy. i can’t just go home and tell my parents, "hi guys! i’m back for good." that would really be very terrible. ummm… ain’t a practical decision. but what am i supposed to do? suffer? huhuhuhuhu… gapangluro na akong mga buhok… paleasssseeee…

there was even once that i went home early. nag-undertime ko. i did not take the pre-shift OT. i wasn’t feeling well. but i said maybe it’ll get by. and so i started taking in calls. i stayed for an hour. pero wla na jud nko makaya, i went to the clinic. masakit tyan ko. gabuto-buto ako dughan. i told the nurse that i need a recommendation so that i could go home. the nurse asked me what’s wrong. og sa dihang nagpakaulaw ko didto sa clinic. i cried. i told her i no longer would want to take calls. then she said, it’s not possible for her to allow me to take undertime. so i asked my TL. and off i went home. that’s a wrong move. i should have talked to a guidance counselor, not to a nurse. ambot…

i’m almost losing my sanity. someone told me to "grow up." i hope that’s easy ;(

Can’t eat… can’t sleep…can hardly breath…lots of nightmares…now, there you go… defining happiness.

(I just hope i won’t be sued for copyright infring[e]ment for having used the same title from Will Smith’s recent movie. well, i’ve used the "’i" not the "y" for happiness… liboga oi…)

it’s been like that (go back and read the first paragraph) for quite some time now. nearly over-fatigued. i’ve had my recent BP taken — 90/70. buhay pa nmn, i guess that’s not the worst case… YET! well, add to that frequent headaches and … hmm… grabeng buto-buto sa dughan. i’m losing my appetite. i no longer eat dinner coz everytime i try doing so, i feel like vomiting (DLI KO BUROS!)

i know there’s something wrong. i can’t let this go on and on.

bottomline is i’m all stressed-out! my work’s getting into my nerves. really guys, it sucks!

i’m actually thinking of quitting but that won’t be very easy. i can’t just go home and tell my parents, "hi guys! i’m back for good." that would really be very terrible. ummm… ain’t a practical decision. but what am i supposed to do? suffer? huhuhuhuhu… gapangluro na akong mga buhok… paleasssseeee…

there was even once that i went home early. nag-undertime ko. i did not take the pre-shift OT. i wasn’t feeling well. but i said maybe it’ll get by. and so i started taking in calls. i stayed for an hour. pero wla na jud nko makaya, i went to the clinic. masakit tyan ko. gabuto-buto ako dughan. i told the nurse that i need a recommendation so that i could go home. the nurse asked me what’s wrong. og sa dihang nagpakaulaw ko didto sa clinic. i cried. i told her i no longer would want to take calls. then she said, it’s not possible for her to allow me to take undertime. so i asked my TL. and off i went home. that’s a wrong move. i should have talked to a guidance counselor, not to a nurse. ambot…

i’m almost losing my sanity. someone told me to "grow up." i hope that’s easy ;(

It’s Easter Sunday. 9:22pm. in front of my PC. i’m in the office. working. i believe so. you know what i’m thinking? i’m thinking of going home. i’m thinking of my bed. i’m thinking of sleeping. sheessh.

i’m happy though. i was able to attend mass this morning after work. during the homily, the priest talked about defining "joy". i can’t exactly remember what he said, but i think he mentioned about joy as the feeling of being free from any guilt feelings. that’s basically the bottomline. for as long as you’ve done good things, you’ll feel more comfortable w/ yourself.

days ago, mama joy and hazel told me to at least pay a visit to church. they’re my best friends in the office (including Ella). they know me well more than anybody else @ work. been telling them that i’ve been feeling so down these days bcoz I don’t like working anymore. basta. i feel so empty. i’d like to thank them for being there to comfort me, especially Den Aries.

don’t wanna get emotional here but i can’t help it. i’m like that. there was one instance that i went home so early from work (nag-undertime ko) coz i really can’t help it. i was having difficulty breathing. i felt like there that barrier in my lungs that made me always sigh heavily. i can’t eat. i can’t get enough sleep. i felt so depressed. so down. so drained. so frustrated. so fed up. name it.

ate joanna told me to look for another work if i’m not happy. she said opportunities do not come just like that. i’d have to grab it, chase it. yeah ryt. if only it’s that easy, why not. hahay…

- - - - -

working. going home. watching TV for an hour or two. eating. sleeping. waking up. working. going home. watching tv. eating. sleeping. working. going home… i wanna go home